BROKEN HOMES, LOSS & FREEDOM.


“I am working on learning how to be whole and free within myself, to acknowledge my brokenness, manifest my own happiness, and succeed and fail gracefully”
For the past 5 years, I’ve had nothing but full on relationships. I was literally like 14 when I had my first boyfriend and I was with him for almost 3 years. Looking back at everything now, I was so fucking young. I threw myself into commitment because I just wanted someone to want to stick around. I think dad leaving when I was really young, ruined me so much. All I wanted was someone to want me but I went looking for it in the wrong places. Trying to create these little families so I’d have somewhere to go, instead of my “broken” home.

But I didn’t have a broken home. My home was perfect. I had people who loved and adored me but all I wanted back then was the typical mum, dad & kids, type deal.. but those families can sometimes be just as miserable or even more then the “broken” ones.
I think my home would have been broke if dad had stayed and tried to force everything to work. Like trying to glue a broken mirror back together, you’d ruin yourself more in the process trying to stick all the pieces back together just by cutting your hands on all the sharpe, damaged edges. Some things are better left untouched, just as they are. 
I didn’t really realise the effect the divorce had on me until now. Literally my whole high school life was just revolved around having a boyfriend and being committed. how fucking shit is that? I spent so much time trying to have a stable relationship for no fucking reason… it didn’t heal me & thats all i wanted. I just wanted my brokenness to seem less. I wanted to be loved by a boy the way my dad should have loved me.
What a fucking way to live.
Here in aussie, is the first time I’ve been alone. The first time I’ve gotten to know myself, properly. Its insane the things you discover when all you have to hold onto is yourself. Its the most challenging but rewarding thing anyone could possibly do. I’m finally starting to find out who I am, what I like, who I want to be. I love it! 
Over the last 2 months, I’ve realised that I am one broken soul. I’ve had such a shit hand at life and its so fucking unfair. But I’m so glad I didn’t give up when I so easily could have. The rockiest roads often lead to the most beautiful destinations & Here I am today living a better life then any dream I’ve ever had.. Ahhhh bliss. 
Throughout high school, all I was really known as was ‘the girl who’s mum died’… But all I wanted to be known as was Britney. I could let this whole situation define me, throw my whole life away and hate this world because they took away my special person, but I’m made up of everything this world can not take from me. I don’t want this to define me. I don’t want to be bitter and unhappy for the next 40 years. So I’m decided to live my life the way I would if mum was still sitting beside me, today. Free, happy & thankful that I have this life. #FreeBee style.
I can’t tell you how glad I am that I moved. I have so many more options and opportunities now. its so hard to leave, until you leave. and then its the easiest thing in the world. And I left… and I’m never looking back.
It’s honestly never ever too late to be brand new. I promise 😍💋

“Someone fell in love today. Someone was born today. Someone lived through something that could have killed them. Someone won back the love of their life. Someone made their parents proud. Someone healed. Someone let go. 

Seven billion people, and some of us have just had the best day of their lives. Today may have been the very worst day of yours. But take solace and celebrate this simple fact. It wasn’t your best day today, but its on its way, because we all get lucky in turn.”  
I AM SOOOO FREEEEE & IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BEEEEEEE!

#FreeBee
Britney rose x

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