HOLY SHIT I’M CRAP AT THIS! 


Hahahahahahaha 

Can you hear me laughing about how poor my effort of this consistent blogging thing is?!  Obviously commitment isn’t a huge deal anymore with me!

Well ello.

Sorry fellas & fellets. (Is fellets even a word or am I just a lyrical genius?) I’ve been absolutely swamped with life lately and every second I’ve gotten spare, I’ve been shit & slack and haven’t written a damn fucking thing.

It’s a pretty big job I’ve got myself doing over here. It’s isn’t all nanny loves & roses. I legit actually don’t just fuck around all day even though my Snapchat story probably begs to differ. I’ve got 3 little muffins who I chase around trying to get to school on time, eat decent food, stay hygienic, run to after-school activity after activity (well driving is obviously faster honestly but picture me running there, it’s funnier). Every single day is a new challenge and I, no word of a lie, fall into bed at night and die.
Absolutely,

Fucked.

Somehow I still maintain going to the gym almost 6 times a week, give or take a few days, I still have a reasonable social life and I haven’t died yet so I think I’m solidly living. My bank account is looking almost as good and as plump as my tooshie (which I might add, is fucking UGE…. that’s huge but without the H & its fucking cute when Aussie guys say it…okay cool, back to the this whole shit show of a post). 

I’ve got my eyes set on Europe & if I ride at least one bike with a basket around in Paris, I will be one happy bird. Also see the northern lights, play in snow in Switzerland, dance down the streets of Barcelona, kiss someone beautiful at the Moulin Rouge, gondola ride through Venice. Ughhhhhhhhhh, HOLY FUCK GET ME TO EUROPE.

Anyways what other dumb updates do you not want to hear about at all but I’ll tell you about them anyways? Ahhhhhhhhh ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

Oh yeah probably a big one that will come out soon is that, surprise! I’m not moving back to New Zealand. Ahahaha, legit had my flight booked and everything. I’d told everyone I knew that I was coming home and staying with the olds before I made my next life plans but then the other night while I was taking my muppets to their guitar lessons, something clicked and I knew I’d be making a huge mistake if I left this little Sydney adventure too early. 
So I paid $150 to change my flight to a later day and booked a return flight back…. Britney does return flights? That’s bloody new 😳😂🤔
And just as I was ready to pack up my life again and leave, I started to meet some truly beautiful people here. A couple in particular are so familiar it honestly feels like time stands still when I’m with them but really it just speeds up. Hours go by in minutes. They make me believe in souls recognising eachother because there’s too many similarities between us, to not have had connected in the past. So fucking weird but it’s one of the coolest, indescribable feelings I’ve had.
But you’ll see me in Hawera for a few weeks at the end of April, unless you’re reading this & you’re from Sydney because then YOU physically won’t see me in hawera but that’s where I’ll be, hugging sheep, starring at my mountain and what not.

Anyways again, I haven’t written anything in so long & I’ve got so much deep, stupid gooey thoughts running out of my through my head and veins, this could be a very long post and I apologise (not even sorry though) in advance if it gets sickening and lovey. 
BUT.

I’m fucking happy. Genuinely happy. But more importantly, I’m finally just happy with me. I always put my happiness in someone else’s hands which is so dangerous because 9 times out of 10, they’ll drop it every time. Be selfish with your happiness and just make sure, at the end of the day… YOU are happy because of you… make sure you’ll always be okay.

 

I got a new tattoo. It’s a wish bone & it’s so significant and I legit am inlove.
I heard a quote a little while ago that was something along the lines of 

“it’s easier to say I love you than to say I don’t.” 

And I’ve truly never related to something so much for so long…not because that’s personally happened but because it’s so true, not just with relationships but just with life in general. 
I think we tend to hold onto something so much tighter because it’s comfortable & familiar more than anything else. Like for example, when we were kids we would always play on the monkey bars at the playground, right. They were exciting and new when we first discovered them, took a bit of practice to get it down & after awhile our hands would hurt a bit, then eventually they’d get that weird scabby blister thing and but once they had healed up, we’d be off. We could monkey bar all day until our faces turned blue – because we were use to the motion and grip. We mastered those damn monkey bars. But eventually, you realise those monkey bars… they’re always going to the be same thing. Nothing changes. It’s boring. Rocking up to school everyday and seeing the same damn set of monkey bars. You know exactly how to do them, even with your eyes closed. Your hands are comfortable and you are use to it. It may be familiar but it doesn’t bring you any sort of challenge or even pleasure anymore.
Who knows what those monkey bars even signify, but one day you’ll find a set of “monkey bars” that challenge you, enough to keep it interesting but also enough to keep YOU interested. 
The bad news is that nothing lasts forever, but I think that’s the good news too. 

Don’t hang on to shit that isn’t meant for you. Sure, you had a good fuckin time with a guy or girl for awhile. You laughed a lot and they, at one point or another, meant the world to you. But something went wrong and probably felt wrong too. And all I know for sure is that when something feels wrong, it usually IS wrong. Holding onto something that isn’t meant for you, eventually just makes it worse. It’s legit like holding onto something that fucks you up so much more when you let go of it. Like broken glass. You pick up all the big chunks because they’re obvious, but glass is clear & it’s shatters into small pieces when it breaks. And when you squeeze onto it for while and then finally let go, all the little shards are stuck, hidden in that hand. It’s honestly sometimes easier just to pick up the broken glass and just throw it the fuck away… you’ll end up damaging yourself more in the process trying to put the pieces back together, bumping yourself on all the shattered edges, trying to fix it, then you would if you just threw it away.

I’m honestly obsessed with quotes and little quirky sayings. My Instagram is filled with so much positive shit, it’s almost rotten. But it’s something i love so much too. Like rip the piss, talk some shit about the stuff I say or do but honestly it’s pretty bloody #relatable. I’m not going to lie and can’t take all the genius credit because I find most of my shit off Pinterest but, I honestly heal so much more when I can express myself through quotes. Its honestly like someone captures my exact thoughts in one sentence or a paragraph & but they word it so much better than I ever could dream of doing. 

A few people have commented on my writing & have told me they’re impressed. But I’ve said this before and I’ll continue to say it, I never started this blog to please anyone, except myself. I had so many jumbled thoughts in my head and I began writing stuff in my notes on my phone until one day, said fuck it… let’s just post it.

I’m genuine and my truest self… and I think that’s why people are so successful…Because I compete with no one, no one can compete with me. I’m not here to put anyone down or make anyone feel shit about their lives.. I solidly believe in rooting for eachother & watching eachother grow. 

Mum wrote a note for me and ash a few days before she died.. I can’t quite remember what was on the note because we lost it just after she passed away with moving house and what not. But a few things I do remember from the note was her telling us behave, work hard, take care, treat others well – classic mum jargon. But at the very bottom she wrote:

“Always remember, beauty comes from within.” 

I loved it. I love that. I love her. I can’t believe I was raised by someone like that. Her beauty and wisdom was second to none. And every little thing she taught me…like manners, respect, compassion, work ethic (ugh so much I can’t even explain) will always always always be instilled in me. I’m feel so blessed and so lucky. I completely 10000000000% believe you aren’t truly beautiful, unless your soul is beautiful. You could be absolutely dropped dead gorgeous, have a banging body etc, but if you don’t have it inside of you, you’ll just be looks. And looks fade. We’re all going to be old and ugly one day, but you need to find the one who is still going to do it for you just by being who they are.

There’s way too much hate in this world & hate can’t drive out hate…

Only love can do that.

💋💋💋💋💋

No promises on when I’ll post next 

But there will be a next time.

Probably 🤔😉

Free Bee

🙏🏼🐝

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