britneyroseblog was born.
One year later. In a different country. Completely different mindset, completely different location, around completely different company… in a way, right now i’m living a completely different life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still the same old Bee that I’ve always been… my favourite dinner is still butter chicken (although I can’t have Damo’s kind because I’m too far from home, any kind will do for now) still hate sleeping alone & I still love the smell of deep heat & the sound of rugby boots running along concrete. But a year has passed and I’ve met so many different, new & exciting people who have brought something (big or small) to my life.
I think the person who stands out the absolute most is Moe.
This time last year, I had absolutely no idea what I was heading for. I hadn’t even started looking into nanny jobs yet. I was working my shitty little job, spending more money than I was making, living with josh & honestly making us both miserable. I was so unhappy, not because of him but because of me. (Ok it’s not what it sounds like “its not you, it’s me” but honestly it was) like I don’t think he’s been given enough credit for the shit I put him through. We spent 2 and a half years together & id truly do it all again. But throughout those years, I was so unhappy. In my last year of high school, I was miserable. I’d literally leave nan and pops house before the sun came up…just so I didn’t have to see them (long story, I was a moody bitchy teen) drive to joshys (I had a key to his door ahahaha omfg cute) still in my pjs, id bring my school uniform and hop into bed with him, we’d sleep for like 2 more hours because honestly I use to get there at like 6am everyday, then we’d get ready for school, although I hardly went because I’d skip class a lot, then school would finish and I would hangout with him until 10pm when I knew my olds would be in bed, drove home, slept and did it all over again. Looking back, I was stupid. I avoided the olds because I was unhappy but didn’t want to talk about why, so I just avoided it all together.
Josh is a trooper honestly. He was my safety net. My Kim. We were just kids, so young and dumb. But he loved me. And that’s all I needed, was to feel loved and wanted. We moved in together at the end of high school. And I think being around each other all the time, every single day, sleeping together every single night, the novelty wore off. We didn’t have our own space and I see that now. It was too much too quick. We just wanted to be in eachothers pockets but the honeymoonness, didn’t last long.
I love that boy and I think I always will. 2 and a half years, how do you just switch that off? My kim. X
I think when it all started to click for me, that I could be happier and there was more to life than teenage love & settling down was when I went and stayed in Queenstown with my Jordan. She was studying down there and I saved up a few weeks of pay, booked a flight and escaped for a little bit. I was down there with her and being somewhere new made me so excited.. I told her what I wanted to do, about nannying and she believed in me 100%. I missed josh though & was anxious to be so far away from him.. but then I got back home and realised it was just the same shit, different day. He had his life, his rugby, his family and I just chucked myself right in the middle of it all. I didn’t want to take away his freedom or independence because after all, he’s a dude. Dudes need to be around other dude, they need to sleep with different chicks and fuck around..they can’t be settled down at 18 with a wife and kids. Life needs to be lived and he needed one without Brits.
Finding renee and the boys was the best thing for me and it happened at the most perfect time, unbeknown to me. I wasn’t aware of the extent of moes disability before I arrived. And I was honestly a little bit naïve to it all. Oblivious that things like that are out there… he was the one thing I was dreading. How was I going to change someone’s nappies? How was I going to feed someone who could easily bit my fingers off? He can’t talk!? How will I even know what to do?? I had so many questions. I was so overwhelmed.
But FUCK, the one thing I was dreading turned out to be the thing I love the most about my job.
I love that human. My Hunan. I love that brown eyed creature. I love the way he loves me back and we’ve never even shared a single word. He has taught me so much in the time I’ve shared with him. He’s also spewed on me and has the most explosive shits ever (the flight coming back to Sydney from LA, that’s a story and a half holy fuck… maybe I’ll tell it one day) but regardless of the pop, I still absolutely adore that muppet. I’ve had some challenging days and I’ve gotten so so frustrated but all I know is that if I had a disability like moe, where I couldn’t walk very well, talk at all, feed myself or even scratch myself when I’m itchy, I’d want someone to love me, regardless of if i piss the bed or if I have the sorest tummy that I shit all the way up my back (I have some horrid stories, you can’t even imagine)
I think people come into your life for specific reasons. Some people leave your life for certain reasons too. The lessons might not be obvious, they probably won’t make sense at the time but weeks or years could pass & you’ll realise why certain things sometimes happen.
Moes outlived his life expectancy. If he had lived only to the age he was meant to, I would have never even met him.
Time heals most things in life, but not all things. A year has passed and I’m living in a different country, oh so single & honestly pretty content with where I am. I’m flying to Europe in 28 days… and I’m so ready.
So much has changed in a year & yet, I’m more me than I’ve ever been.
Can’t wait to get out of Syds though,
Too many people know me now… I can’t hide very well anymore. No fun!
28 more sleeps until I pack up & runaway all over again. 😍🐝🌎✈️