Growing up, me and ash would always just be known as “the girls” because we looked so alike, both with blonde hair and bright blue eyes… no one could tell us apart. I was her shadow. I grew up just wanting to be EXACTLY like my cooler, older, prettier sister. In my eyes she was so good at everything… especially sport and the boys always liked her – thats all I wanted, too.
I wanted to be liked and be called pretty and successful and smart. Ugh.
She did so well at school and she always knew the trendy way to do her hair. I felt like the lame’o little sis who just wore her hair in a messy bun.
Brits. The brit bun.
She got a really good opportunity in her final year of high school – pretty much an apprenticeship to be a pharmacy technician. In Hawera, our small little town. Everyone knew her and always said how proud they were of her. I wanted the same. She had a house, a boyfriend, a dog… her life was put together. All settled down. I wanted that. I thought success was the things you had to show…
I was so wrong.
She’s happy. She’s content and she’s successful but I don’t think success can even be measured the same with different people.
I was looking at photos this morning and I saw these two.
One of me the day I brought my flights to London..
and one of the day Ashleigh got her qualification.
We are both holding a piece of paper.
Both smiling, both happy and both successful.
I’ve always compared myself to my sis and I’ve always found flaws in the way I’ve done things compared to her. I’m so critical of myself because I’ve never been (in my eyes) as good as ash at stuff. But being away and on my own has made me see how capable I actually am at things.
I’m packing up my little life once again and cramming all I own into 23kgs of luggage.
I have nothing to physically show from my success because all my money has gone on Contiki tours, flights and experiences.
And while I don’t have much to show, I’ll have so so so many good stories to tell.
And I’ve learnt,
I’d rather have stories to tell than piles of things in a house anyways
I’m happy and I’m so free.
Little bees, you’re doing alright.
Go and live some more