I’m not one to stick to New Years resolutions because I honestly go through so many phases and change my mind more than I change my undies but I’ve decided to dedicate 2018 to being the year of nothing but Me. I’m turning 20 and I’ve spent most, if not all of my teenage years feeling self conscious, not good enough, demotivated and stressing over dumb shit when in reality this is the freest I’ll ever be in my entire lifetime. And honestly I don’t know why I’ve spent so many years anxious about living – I should be anxious about not.
Instead of the classic New Years resolutions like losing weight, earning more money laaaaadeeedaaaaaa bullshit, I too want to lose weight (don’t we all babez) and I would love to win the lotto tomorrow but I’m not spending another whole year sitting around saying I WANT to do that or I wish it would happen…
Instead I’ve decided my resolutions will be more in the ‘doable’ category this year and instead of waiting and wanting something to happen or change, they WILL happen and things WILL change.
In sydney I had a pretty full on job, where I organised 4 lives and based my whole life souly around doing that. I learnt a lot in 12 months, about myself – what I’m capable of, things I hate, stuff I love, where I want to go, the sort of people I want to be around and how I want to make others feel.
But in 2018,
I will be dedicating the whole year purely on taking care of me.
Mind, body and most importantly soul.
I spend so many days stressing over unimportant shit and wasting so much time doing so. I want to be the fittest I’ve ever been, not just to lose weight but I want to just FEEL better too. I want to be able to run and jump and just do cool shit all the time. I want to be able to cook and eat, healthy yum delicious food. I’ll be studying next year but I want to be learning too. Getting shit done, getting good grades and making something of myself. I don’t think I can make a list of resolutions because its nothing life changing or remarkable – its simple, yet significant. I only have myself to worry about but I still neglect the one job I have… so thats what 2018’s focus will be on. Me – The Bee.
I’m so nervous for whats ahead of me. I’ve had a while to stress and stew over what the fuck I’m even doing but in all honesty its probably easier on the scale compared to Sydney. Making friends will be 2000x easier which I’m glad about because that scares the fuck out of me. But I think this next little goodbye will be harder for me, especially saying bye to ash. We’ve never been exceptionally close since mum died, I think we both had to get out and find our own groove before we could reconnect again. I never knew who I was after leaving school, it wasn’t until I met the big bad Syd, explored Europe and came home again that I found out kinda who I am. I don’t 100% know the freebee yet, still slowly getting there.
Side note, I know I haven’t been good at keeping these blogs up to date… thats another thing I really want to focus on next year too. I’ve had so many people message me and tell me how much they love my writing and I’m honestly so grateful. I think I just need to write when it feels right (lols) because otherwise it doesn’t flow or feel real and I do not like that. I will try my absolute best to keep you OG supporters up to date with my little whirlwind life.
If you don’t know already this is what the next 6 months look like for me:
I am heading down to Queenstown on the 2nd of January. I will be studying at Queenstown Resort Collage (QRC) and getting a qualification in Hospitality Management. That course is a 21 month course which is made up of 6 months (2 semesters) of study down in Queenstown. Then a 9 month work placement (not sure where that’ll be yet) and then 6 more months of study in Queenstown. So I will be in Queenstown until June 2018, then I will go on placement until March 2019 and if things go well and I get my shit together I will graduate in September of 2019.
In between that, I’m going on holiday with my best crispy bean at the end of March next year! But before that, she’s coming down to see me in Queenstown and I am literally so excited, I think I might have to wear a nappy to the airport because I will almost 100% shit myself. The last time I saw that little bundle of happiness was 3 months ago, outside our hotel in Athens and I didn’t want to say bye. I left in a taxi crying, looking at my window at little bean crying too. AHHHHHHHH I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOUUUUUU.
As my time at home comes to an end, I am so glad that my plans changed and I was forced to make it all work again. I wouldn’t have ever considered Queenstown as an option and I honestly would have probably just went back to Aussie and worked as a nanny again, coming back feeling even worse. 3 months reconnecting with my family, chilling out and catching my breath before I take off again was exactly what I needed. I am so thankful for everywhere I’ve been and everyone I’ve met. I’ve spent so much time down by mum since I’ve been home and although I know thats just a spot in memory of her, no matter where I am she will always be with me, I think its good for me to have somewhere to go and chill out. I’ll miss my little hideout down there.
While this year is quickly coming to a close, I wanted to sum up this year the best way I know how… In photos. Some of my favourite moments with my favourite people. I love this life of mine.. a bald man once told me that it’ll only be what you make it – and he’s not wrong. Here are some of my favourites from this year…
Thanks for it all 2017. I loved you.
2018, I can’t wait to meet you.